Ahhhh GARAGE BAND!  Yeeeeaaaah... the primordial ooze meant *this* when it upgraded from slime to spine.  according to many non vice presidential candidates, the earth has been around a lot longer that 3000 years and NOW WE KNOW WHY.  

And do the liquid waves of sonic lava make us all burst into flames?  Yes! screams the crowd, from pain or pleasure this reporter cannot be certain.

Trying to describe garage band is like trying to play rugby while skateboarding on glacier... while juggling blocks made of asbestos.. that are ON FIRE.  Let me tell you... it's not easy.  Not even for a genius.  But i'll give it a try.

Have you ever mixed all your savory foods together and then poured the gravy over the top?  And then eaten it while midfreefall after basejumping off a six story building.  Garageband would taste like that.  If it was on fire.

Many internationally famous personas wanted to join garage band.. but the members put it to a vote and came to an overwhelming conclusion... no names!  Go fly a kite!  Go fry ice!  Go pluck a penguin!  and finally.. GO START YOUR OWN BAND!

Bob Geldoff wanted garage band to open live aid 36, but Noel Rhodes, guru, shaman and sensei of garage band (a veritable Mr. Miyagi to this erstwhile karate kid collective)  said 'not ready'.. actually it can be debated as to whether he meant it is garage band that is not ready, or the world that is not ready to be rocked as it no doubt shall be by the 'end of times' level power of garage band.